You Made Me Love You
by jessica.brooke
Summary: I’m afraid that I love him so. I’m afraid the lust for him to love me is uncontrolling. And then the greatest fear of all; I’m afraid of him loving me so unconditionally that I don’t know how to return it. "I’m afraid of you."


Just a poem that came into my head

**Just a poem that came into my head. Almost pointless, but still, gave me an emotional boost. **

**Disclaimer: Hey! Bet you didn't guess what happens in the next episode! Neither did I, I don't own them!**

**Dedications: Ma soeur, ****Sizzlin'-Starry-Night-sky****. LOL! I didn't tell you about this! Or maybe I did…lol. Love ya lots and good luck with EVERYTHING! ****Sobriquet-di-Otonic-Recondite****; lol I almost made you cry! Heehee! I hope this is okay! And thanks for be an antisocialate with moi! ****ThSamurai:**** You're awesome! Lol. And you're a really good friend so you need to be dedicated! ****:) And my new friend Alien Emerald. You go girl!**

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_This has never happened to me before…_

_I've never had someone like what my friends share._

_I do not have someone to hold in my arms,_

_I do not have someone who needs me entirely._

_So…why risk losing what couldn't be lost?_

_And then…I feel something strange…_

_There is something pulsing deep within me, as if there is an unknown_

_source of a confused disorientation._

_Like shears or heavy piercing knives are slashing away at my soul, _

_leaving me in a lifeless shell with the one thing I can no longer feel;_

_my heart._

_I thought everything was dark, like my eyes were blinding me well enough so _

_all I could see was useless light keeping me from true darkness._

_Like there was a path before me that my soul refused me to walk upon._

_A path I wanted to explore so passionately that I could almost taste it._

_Why am I so consistent in thinking that the path I was currently on wasn't what I truly wanted?_

_I liked feeling this way, as crazy as it sounded, feeling empty inside was better than feeling emotions I endured countless times._

_Something I no longer needed as a necessity… love for something other than myself._

_And then I see you, as if you were some priceless artifact in a museum, _

_standing with sheer perfection it almost hurt to experience._

_And then I started to feel something again, a throbbing ache in the hallow of my chest,_

_a dark pit which trapped the basic requirement for love._

_Every nerve in my body began to feel numb, like burning ice coursing through my veins._

_Causing every bone in my body to suddenly stop functioning all together._

_The unflawed appearance of your body, moving with such grace it leaves me breathless,_

_The pale and solid texture of your skin I yearn to touch, just to see if you are not an apparition, _

_That you were staring at me, as if you were looking right into my lifeless soul._

_And then you smile._

_At ME._

_And then it would seem as though I've died…again._

_I feel like I've met him before._

_As if he and I already had some unspeakable bond and that was the best thing of all ._

_He explains the customs I fail to understand._

_He makes me smile, even when I clearly don't want to._

_He always listens to me, whether I am correct or incorrect._

_He is attentive of my actions (even though it makes me feel self-conscious)  
it comforts me in ways I thought never existed._

_He makes me feel like I've met _

_Like my long lost brother. _

_But something churning inside my body tells me I'm wrong; he was __**more**__ than my brother._

_He was the one I loved—at the realization, I stopped breathing._

_**LOVE?**_

_How could I love him when I know that he is more than I could ask for?_

_How could I love him when I know all __he__ thinks of me as is a sister?_

_How could I love him when I know there isn't a good outcome to the situation?_

_How could I love him when I don't want to feel that way again?_

_How could I love him when I fear to feel again? To be vulnerable in his presence?_

_How could I love him when I know that he could not possible care for me that way?_

_I'm an emotionless nobody, lying paralytic inside a lifeless soul. _

_I burst into a small case of hysterics, holding my hand tightly to my chest as if it were to explode any minute._

_And then he quirks an eye-brow, "Are you okay?"_

"_I'm…fine."  
_I lied to myself; and that's one of my best talents to date.  
And, the worst part is…I enjoy it way more than I should…

But the truth is:  
I crave to hear him say my name with the tenderness I never allow myself to feel.  
To feel the warmth radiate my heart, regaining it's strength.  
To have him look into my eyes and see myself smiling in his eyes.  
I need to hear him, as if the steely yet lazy undertone of voice was my personal lullaby.  
Sometimes I just need to feel his arms around me, so I wrap my arms as tight as they  
can go around his waist, and his body stiffens; as if he's afraid to be touched.  
And then he returns the gesture and his breath tickles my ear, causing me to shiver in excitement.  
And then he begins to joke around again, as if nothing happened.  
But something DID happen, something I thought I couldn't feel.

He made me feel** alive**.

Now I can't seem to let him escape my thoughts.

Every single waking minute of my life seems to revolve around him,

his masked eyes, and how much I desperately want to see him for who he is.

his muscular chest,

his toned arms,

his sharp jawline, 

his perfect face, 

and his caring, giving, loving, kind, selfless, heart.

It's not that I'm going boy crazy,

it's like 

my mind

and my body

and my heart

just don't seem to agree on anything.

I know what is going to happen.

My heart will shatter right before his eyes,

and there is nothing he can do to stop it.

It's not his fault, he did nothing wrong.

I was wrong to feel like that for so long, for now I don't know how to love.

How to feel so breathless after he talks to me, 

to feel weak in the knees when he touches me,

to feel emptier inside when he was gone…and…

…frightening enough…

…to feel chilling excitement throughout my body when I imagine his lips upon mine.

I look at my reflection sometimes, to see if **I'M** looking back, not someone else.

Before I realized I loved him, I looked dead…

and now, here I am, staring at myself,

my eyes uncharacteristically bright,

my cheeks full of color,

my body more aligned, not hunched over in fear,

and then,

the corners of my lips curved upward into a smile,

just as I think of him.

_Now I'm scared. This couldn't happen…not to me…not again…_

_I'm watching him carefully, waiting for him to say something,_

_but he's not saying anything at all._

_He then whispers, "We need to talk."_

_And my breathing ceases all together._

_He's watching me, almost in awe, as the dance of rolling tears,_

_collide upon the broken skin of my face,_

_as misery combines with fears and as fears combine with the sadness,_

_shedding the eternity of being alone._

_His arms encircle my waist, "What's wrong?"_

"_I'm scared."_

_Bewilderment struck his face, "Why?"_

_And through my tear filled eyes, I murmur, "I know what you are going to say."_

"_Then why are you scared?"_

_Confusion swept me and I suddenly felt like I was suffocating from the air around me._

"_I don't know what will happen to me if…"_

"…_If what…" He pressed gently. _

"…_if I never see you again."_

_His arms tighten around me, and his breathing makes my heart beat double in speed._

"_I'm not leaving" A relieved sigh escaped my lips._

"_So…what are you afraid of?"_

_What AM I afraid of?_

_I'm afraid that he'll go, leaving me lifeless again._

_Afraid that as arms come near me to cradle me from the unforgiven,_

_once close enough they disappear,_

_to leave me huddled in the dark,_

_never to come back again._

_I'm afraid that once I start to feel something again, _

_he'll be the one in agonizing pain,_

_him in the pain I've once suffered._

_**I'm afraid of him.**_

_I'm afraid that he is everything I want._

_I'm afraid that I feel such desire for him._

_I'm afraid that I love him so._

_I'm afraid the lust for him to love me is uncontrolling._

_And then the greatest fear of all; _

_I'm afraid of him loving me so unconditionally that I don't know how to return it._

"_I'm afraid of you."_

"_ME?"_

_I nod solemnly _

"_Why do I scare you? Did I do something wrong?"_

"…_yes…"_

"_What did I do?"_

"…_You made me love you."_

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